Merry Christmas My Dears

 Here is my forever Christmas card I put it up each year. I have explained this picture in a post  titled my 1950s Christmas and the next year was part 2. I remember this so clearly.

 I really don't feel like posting.  Everything  is on hold for us until Janurary 7th. Mike's Dr. said we are in a state of limbo. So there is no reason to update whats going on until I know something, and that will be Jan. 7th. I have been struggleing with it all.  I do request prayer.   I just don't want to think right now so if I am not asleep (which is more than I should) I am about doing busy work. Cancer hats...done ...more on needles...blanket half done....scarf on needles half done. Never in my life to I start a project and leave one unfinished. Seems I have developed a joy of starting things....honey sometime you get your joy where you can find it.  Sad to say excess eating seems to be a new habit as well. Well my lovelies hugs and may you have a blessed Christmas, and I truly mean that...love sent.

Sucker Punched

   Processing new information. Just can't blog right now will be back with up dates when I can. Our entire plan is is changing. You know when you sit in the doctors office and you are there just to get an appointment for the next stage when whamo sucker punched. Will post when I process this and find out the next step.
                                                  Until Till Then. Prayers please!!!!!

Sunday....pictures

  Some of my pictures I downloaded disappeared....of course they did.  Cancer hats.  I am making a mindless scarf for my son now.

Mike is about the same. This chemo round is really kept him down.  I have to remind myself to treat him like the man  he is, and not my little boy.  He is acting like a naughty little boy at times.  I have to follow thru on everything that he HAS to take or do.....some how he has it in his head things are optional.... you know if he did it yesterday  You mean today...again.  Yes sweetie today and everyday. I am the food, ostomy bag, medicine giver, fluid intake checker   Nazis. Be very afraid peeps I could be coming to a neighborhood near you. bahhahaha.

Leaves acorns love them hate them.. I am in over my head guess I will have to call someone to come help me.  I should take pictures they are knee deep in places.

Started thinking about Christmas. My DD will do Christmas dinner (God Bless her) her and her husband are wonderful cooks and their house is much larger than ours.  Presents will be money with one gift to open this year.  I think I will just put up mom's tiny tree. Next year we will be back in the saddle I hope.  If thing get worse I am going to buy and air freshener tree so I can just stick it on the wall someplace.  I will get Mike a belated gift ( a Henry rifle).   I don't know what hes getting me yet ..... I haven't made up my mind.  I kind of want yarn and I need a new stove (for a long time),but have you seen the new Dyson's. a little pricey, but I am so worth it hahahahaha.

   Well my dears... I am off to pay bills and think about supper. Bless each of you with joy and the spirit of kindness this week....wish it back.

Three Down Three To Go

 We are half done with chemo. Today I took the pump off...3 more times I have to do that . They all most didn't do the chemo this week .  Mike has been really sick...and cranky ( I understand).  He seems better this week even with the chemo.

Guess what, I am letting my hair grow out to kind of a silver. I never wanted to color my hair. Mike pitched a fit for me to, and my daughter begged me to keep it till she got married that was 2 years ago. So I am almost there with the grow out. You see in Mikes mind he remembers me with long black hair. It was almost blue black like my dad's and grandma's. I am not prissy about aging I am 66 years old and nothing is going to change that. My aging has never bothered me like my friends. I don't want to scare small children, but I don't want to look all dolled up like an aging whore either. Did I just say that oh well I will let it stand.

I am still making cancer hats wished  I could download pictures like I use to.  I am sure there is a way I just don't know how.

Next chemo visit and I am teaching the women there how to use circulars.  They are all excited and it makes our day go faster.

Well this year for Halloween I am going as a grandma....I let my hair grow out for it.  Mike is going as a chemo patient named chemo sobbie at least that's our story.

Got the leaves off the deck (twice), and you can't even tell it. 

Well Peeps going to pack it in and maybe finis a hat and a Klondike bar.  Happy Halloween my pretties and your little dogs to........and cats. 

Ups and Downs

 Mike is not feeling well.  I am not sure what is wrong.  We tend to blame everything on the chemo. He has been sleeping almost around the clock, vomiting, for awhile he had cramps in his side and arm......scared me, but that's gone now.  We have more chemo Monday....dread that. So all in all he is not feeling well and I am beside myself with worry.

News, well let me see. T was here Saturday and picked up the costume.  I do believe Mimi scored. My other set of grand kids may be here this weekend.  I have been knitting hats and attempted a new pattern I like very much. I also did a bedroom redo.  I like to find sweet deals and then decorate around them.  I got a really nice curtain for $5 and a duvet cover for 20. The Duvet cover set had shams, and a small pillow. I need to put the picture up, but I took it with my phone so maybe next time.  It looks nice and I covered up and ugly comforter to boot. Oh yes...Wal-Mart discount bin.

Leaves and acorns have taken over tomorrow is the big confrontation.  I never bought punkins or mums this year, and  I love doing Fall things.

I will tootle on to bed now I cannot watch the Cubs loose.  May you enjoy your week and be blessed without measure.

OH, yes after thought my friend nurse Ann did get her bag.  She thinks it was a gift to her but it was a gift for me for I focused on something I love to do for someone that wanted my kitchen stuff.....I have overloaded everyone else with it. So she was a victim and never knew it hahahaha.

Yes this is more than likely me.

. Hugs bugs

T's costume

 Here is the Harry Potter  sorting hat I made.  It was kind of aggravating. I have been doing mindless knitting.  When you stay with something for awhile then you start to wonder if it looks alright. He has the robe glasses and sorting hat now.

Still Doing Well

 Mike has had his first round of chemo and hes doing OK. Its chemo so doing OK is pretty darn good. I think the rash maybe coming back, but all in all hes taken this time rather well. Next chemo is October the 12th then the 13th we see Dr. Hunt. That is going to be an interesting week.

I  have made T a sorting hat from Harry Potter and got him the robe and glasses for Halloween. He has won first prize every year  for a total of 4 years. I always make or help him with  his costume. I would not think they would let him win again that would be to much....we just have fun hanging out him giving me ideas.

I am still on chemo caps. There are no men's hats in the basket at chemo. I felt bad about that. I am making a womans hat now. It is a roll brim. 
 My grandson wants one then I will start on the mens.

I have got to do something about the leaves and acorns. When you go on our deck its like roller skating. The leaves will just take over if I don't get on it.  That is so wonderful to have worries like that. Well kiddos will leave with a picture of me and my roll brim hat....keeping this one. Hugs Bugs

                                                         my roll brim hats

I got my Fisherman Back

 Mike went fishing today in our son' pond. He caught 7 nice size catfish and my son caught a big large mouth bass and  Kiera caught some bluegill and poor Noah caught a turtle.  I could not imagine this a month ago.  God is so good and Mike has come so far by His mercy. Monday it is back to Chemo. His last set we are hoping. Hes gaining weight and doing more each day.

Me,
well the blood pressure medicine that my Dr. doubled is making me so sleepy.  I can barely keep my eyes open. I am hoping my body will get use to it.  It has been a week now.  My house is screaming don't take it, don't take it. This week even if I have to tape my eyes open I am getting my house in order.

I am down to just 3 cancer hats and one on the needles. Its not cold yet so I have lots of time to replace the  ones I gave away.

You almost need an umbrella on our deck.  Acorns are coming down like a hail storm. The leaf battle is in sight.

My daughter made 50 sugarless punkin pies for her patience's that are diabetic. Last month she fixed sugar free cheese cake.  She is such a doll.  My DI L's are caring ares well. You can catch all my girls going around doing good. My boys  as well. I don't mean to leave them out......Blessed yes I am.

Will leave you with a funny. Mike sent this to me and said that was me the night we met. Funny guy.

Well it is so good to report wonderful news I would love to make that a habit. This week for me its more knitting, house cleaning, always cooking, and enjoying my life........I wish the joys of life for you.

Joy Pressed Down And Running Over!

 Yes buddy the wound vac is off.  Things are amazing now. Mike is doing more on his own. No more canisters to worry about not coming off (seriously my son even had a time getting it off). I have no bags to drain not one, and no flushing, no cleaning wounds. All we have left is the ostomy bag which is so doable.  My dears I feel like twirling.

Mike got his hearing aides back and had one turned up. I can now talk to my best friend without getting loud...loving it.  He drove for the first time the other day....hes loving that. We have been sitting on the deck more. He is staying awake more each day .  He is walking around better and talking about fishing.    Things are so much better.

Anyone that prayed for us thank you and I ask God to bless each one of you for your prayers. The prayers meant the world to me.  It was no small thing. I give God all the glory for bring us this far. Mike almost died twice and it was a bumpy road back.  WE still have a ways to go. Chemo starts back Sept 28th then more surgery later on, but tootsies we made it this far.

Me I am still on the chemo caps.  When I get this stack done it is on to finishing up the blanket mom left half finished. 

I must end this will a heartfelt thank you to everyone at Barnes. Dr. Hunt is the Best and the nurses are just wonderful. When it doubt go to Barnes.

I wish for you as much hope as I have this week instilled within my heart. 

Hugs bugs 

The Count Down is on.

 Maybe just maybe our Tuesdays at Barnes are ending. Don't get me wrong the nurses are precious and I love Dr. Hunt to death. Dr. Hunt is a really good surgeon, and a great guy, but I want my Tuesday back.  NO more wound vac.........what a relief for us.  The canisters are nearly impossible to get off, so its always a relief when they are changed.

We got our appointment last Tuesday at 9:00am and had to be there by 1:30pm......we made it. Dr. Hunt said maybe one more time. Then its chemo maybe some radiation and then TA DA reconnect. Its just so good to think about some kind of normal maybe a new normal, but this normal is trying.

Making Cancer hats got 5 done. They are serious hats. Made of part wool sooooo soft and will keep you plenty warm.   Hope Ann got her things. I haven't seen any of my nurses from the past hospital stays lately, but I think about them .  They were a bunch of sweeties.....well most.:)...there was this one, but she was not ours and we had to deal with her briefly thank God.

My lilac bushes died. Lets have a moment of silence.  My roses look horrible, and my Irises have been taken over by weeds. I have had no time for things like that.

This is my favorite time of year.  I went out to walk and almost needed my old sweater....yes buddy.


Well my dears I am off to feed my honey.....hes a tad cranky today.

Hugs and love sent ....catch it.

Venting

What a  day. Going to vent to my besties. How do you become my bestie just show up here, and you become my blog bestie.:)

Okay, getting an appointment for the  wound vac is always a pain. I have resolved myself to the fact that I may not know the exact time till Monday the day before the surgery. Now we go every Tuesday and at this rate we will still be going when Jesus comes back. So no brainer just fix a time people we will show up.  Last time at north it was to be at 2:00 when we got there it was changed  to 3:00 but someone didn't show so we got in early. This time No appointment and the hospital offices are all closed. We were told to be at North surgery Tuesday they would call to say when....never happened. THIS WOUND VAC NEEDS TO BE CHANGED.  I have been on the phone all morning...no luck...the offices are closed. So got a favor from a sweetie pie and she used the hospital where she works to find out we are not on the schedule. I have to get up at 5:30 when the OFFICE opens and try to get this appointment going for us.   I have an appointment for myself Wed. at 8 and I have to fast if I cancel mine  I can't get an early appointment for over a month.  I hate this, but if they put us off Mike may have to go with the kids.  Forbidden food will be  ordered if hes not watched. Prissy about someone else helping his dress, and no one except me has ever changed his bag. I hate to let every one down but this is one appointment I should not miss. My sugar is up my blood pressure is up etc.

On top of all this silly Barnes stuff. My Express Scripts canceled one of my meds. Now I have 3 refills people they will not transfer it and my pharmacy.Now my pharmacy says they will not accept it from a mail refill (Express scripts)soooooooooo I have to get my doctor to give me another prescription another reason I need to go. I have 4 pills left.  Do you hear me screaming.

Lighter side my chicks...got 3 cancer hats done. One was taken by one of the kids. So I have 2 done and one on the needles.  I have enough yarn left from all the hats to make a striped one or a scarf. I did start a breast cancer scarf, but its on hold right now...pink You know that bright pink sometime working with it just gets on my nerves.

Well kiddos hope you don't think I am mad because I understand my problem is really among thousands at Barnes and I get it .  I feel better venting . Will let you know how this plays out my dears.

Have fun for me this week....just enjoy. hugs real tight ones sent .

Oops another annoying vent my computer no longer will let Me download my pictures...of course it won't. I took pictures of my hats the scarf and Mike's scarf to show you.....well poo poo. I leave you with my hero a stone cold knitter. hugs bugs

Add caption

Another trip

Mike lost his abscess train in the shower, and they did not put it back in Yippee. We now just have the osotomy bag and the internal wound vac. We were told that the wound vac may come off in 2 more trips. Awesome news.  Even if its not true I got to relish the thought. Mike is holding steady on his weight. Each day is so precious so good news is a delight.

The trip takes its toll on me. We never take the truck so my little car is rough on my hips and knees .  Since we had to get up at 3am Wednesday I was wiped out. Today I was suffering from what I call my Barnes hangover. All I want to do the next day after my trip is sleep.

I have finished my dishcloths and kitchen stuff, and started back on cancer hats for awhile.  I want a pile before we go back for chemo. It may be cold by then.  I got to drop them off to my lovely friend Ann .  Well my daughter in law took them up to where she works. They said they would hold them for her. She will get them Friday.  I was with Mike in the preop room. They just took him right in.

Well my dears it is almost 8pm time to fix Mike a snack and make sure he eats it :). May September bring you good memories and happy thoughts.  Hugs bugs

Back from Barnes

Well one bag was taken off.  We now have one drain bag, the ostomy bad, and the wound vac. Dr. Hunt said maybe 3 more trips for the wound vac (((maybe))). The Intervention radiology said maybe next Wednesday the other bag comes off. Do I see a light at the end of the tunnel,,by golly I think I do.

I am so tired today as grandma would say it takes to cats under my arms to breathe for me. I have a basket full of dirty clothes, dishes to wash, picking up and unpacking ,check book to balance, pills to sort. I am playing on the Internet. Yesterday was my birthday....I will regret this tomorrow, but today I play. After  Barnes yesterday, on our way we  home I had a birthday frosty from Wendi's. My dears I just stuck that straw in my frosty and made a wish. MY age.... blush.....50thru. (66)

Still making dishcloths on my 5th one. So relaxing.

today is National Dog Day I present to you my past loves:

Sadie and Copper the sweetest dogs that ever lived.  Mike and I would not have a dog, but the kids had these and when they left home guess who got them. Really they were a gift.  They said life does not began at 40 it begins when the kids leave home and all their pets die. Not so with us. We thought we did not want dogs, but they proved us wrong. They NEVER in all there days had an accident in the house.  They were so funny, and when Mike worked night shift they were such a comfort.  I miss them so much.  Sadie was mine...she preferred me and guarded me even when she could barely walk. We have no dog now and that is a blessing, but if I could wish them back I would.



I will leave you with a happy blessed week wish. Sweet days and lovely dreams at night my dears....hugs sent.

Still Here

I have not fell once this week....guess got my sea legs back.  We went to Barnes and it looks like next Tuesday Mike will get the drain bags out woooooo hoooooo. That means we are just left with the wound vac and the ostomy bag. He is not gaining weight. I am just at a loss as what to do.  I am cooking his favorite foods and buying things he thinks he might be able to eat....and rarely does. My scales said he weight 118lbs.  I felt sick when I saw what he weighted. I honestly thought he had gained just a little. He use to weigh 160lbs.  I think that has side lined me more than anything. I feel so helpless at times... like I should be able to fix this.  Well I am going to address this with  Dr. Hunt Tuesday.  

The kids came by today and I went to get some groceries.  It is sad when Sam's club and Wal-mart are exciting places to go.  I saw and old man in Wal-mart that reminded me of daddy....I am emotionally weak, cause I almost cried....okay I cried a little bit.

All in all we are doing  alright.  I got a card from my friend Ann. It was very thoughtful and uplifting. Nothing like snail mail to make you feel special..  I have 4 dishcloths done, and trying to get five and more plus some scrubbies made before I send them out. It will get cold before long and I have to make cancer hats for the center, but before that I am making a baby dress or sweater just because that is such a joyful thing to make. The dishcloths have been such a blessing. I have enjoyed having a reason to make them plus I am using up a little of the cotton scraps....win win.

Hugs, love sent be happy this week if you think of me I hope its a smile I bring to you.

Come laugh with me.

Do you rememberr the Elvis song, Did you Ever Have One Of Those Days Boys.  Well girls and boys I had a doozzie.        

I got up scrubbed floors and cleaned really well ( well my new standard of really well) then after I was done and the floors were dry, I opened the freezer for ice and a large container of oatmeal came down off the top of the fridge.  Most of the oatmeal went everywhere on the floor, but the fun stuff landed in my ice bucket. Here's a tip oatmeal sticks to frozen cubes like glue. I had just made ice to store for the trip to St. Louis. It was a mess.  Later I opened the fridge to start supper and an entire container of beans spilled out of a air tight container...of course it did.   Are you laughing yet.  I get Mike all showered up and his bag changed and guess what we had a bag explosion.....it wasn't pretty. Now I cleaned all this stuff up and thought I needed a bath...my legs now because of my age only grows hair in spots good grief you think you have smooth legs then,Hello, in the sunshine you look like Bigfoot in spots.( Big foot mange) I set about to bush hog my legs, when got into the tub with my distress bubbles and no razor....of course. I get out and find a new razor. When I  get back in the tub I fall hitting my head on the tub. Honestly after it stopped hurting I just laughed because then I couldn't get the razor cap off the razor...of course I couldn't.  Oh it does not end there. I was thinking maybe I just need to go to bed. I get  Mike all settled and start to bed. Now let me set you up for this, my bed is very old my gr grandmas and very tall.....so I jump into bed and as I did I turned to see if I had closed the door. .....slid off the bed and fell between the bed and wall on my back. I am so weak on my left side because of the stroke I seriously thought I might not be able to get up. Yes, it hurt, but after awhile I knew nothing was broke it was just another funny episode in my day.  I wiggled and wiggled till I got close to the window ceil and eventually pulled myself up. You got to laugh.


What bothers me is I can't get the cap off  one of the drain bags to flush it. Its not just me. When we go to St. Louis tomorrow...on my list. I have only flushed it about once a day on average. When vna nurse comes she helps and others come by. Its hard for everyone and impossible for me.  I pray for a fix. Mike I think is finally gaining a little weight.  He is fussing about getting his hair cut so that is music to my ears. Still knitting dishcloths when I get a moment.


Hugs  and love sent to all. hope you had giggles about my day. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT TOMORROW BRINGS....SMILES .

Another Hospital stay

  Well another stay in Barnes this time it was at Wash (north campus). Mike got the surgery and the vac. The bags stayed on, we just got rid of the bulb. I stayed with him, and neither of us slept that night. This vac. is so annoying for him and I need to watch it all the time. Last night I thought it was plugged in to the wall, and when I got him up to move him in the living room the battery was about dead( gees). The vac has three places that can come undone....much remember to check each socket. He is not in any pain right now so that is a blessing.  One of the bags was changed on me and its very different so I could not get it flushed last night or this morning called vna and they never showed up. So my daughter-in-love came out and brought her best friend a nurse. It took the nurse awhile to get it off and she had to use a clap scissor type thing to do it. I was so relieved I could have cried .....so grateful.  All I can do is what they tell me and when I can't ( like flush that bag it just gets to me.

Remember me, my blood sugar is up, my blood pressure was up 185/ 95 last night.  I forget to take my meds sometimes. So much to do, and I simply forget. I try to walk on the deck at least 30 mins a day. I am not eating right, but I try as best I can.   Whats really discouraging I can not see it getting any better for a long time.  Mike can not go back to chemo as long as the drains are on.....I thought a long time ago they would be off by now. Now the vac will be in for awhile...they said I would not have to  change the canisters, but its already over half full so it will have to be changed tomorrow.

It brings to mind what grandma would say,  I can't do all this and got to mill to boot.  I can do this, and with great joy.  When I doubt my self I look at the card Ann sent me that said Hoping you know how much you're capable of.   I framed it .  She will never know how much it meant to me.  I am still making her dishcloths and enjoying it so very much....win win.


Well, hope this did not sound sad or that I am down. As long as I have Mike  I am  a happy girl strike that happy old woman :).  Love sent to all my people that stop by to share my adventure. If your desires of your heart are good then I pray for have them. Hugs bugs.

Another Kink

 Barnes O Barnes how you love us so.  Mike did not gain weight. Dr. Hunt found a problem so we are thinking that this maybe a step in the right direction.....we could use it.  Up by 5:00 then at Barnes all day home at about 7:00.

Here's the story:  Hunt found an opening where he did the surgery.  They took him to surgery but didn't do it after looking around they decided to put a wound vac. in there.  Seriously.  Never heard of that before.  Hunt has never did it, but it has been done with great success, I gather.  So we go back Tuesday for the Ct scan and out patience procedure. Then if that goes well its back Friday for the radiology intervention and maybe some bags off. ......let us hope.....sure we will get another one from the wound vac, poor guy. I am all in but my shoe laces, and so is Mike.

I would have loved to have traveled in my old age, but not to Barnes every 3 or 4 days a week ((smiles)).  Oh yes the other news we must go back to Barnes every Tuesday to have the vac changed for at least 8 weeks.   I know your just green with envy at my new life style.......don't be......it just sucks the energy right out of you.

I have always made an effort to keep a tidy house.  I love simple house duties. Now there is no time. I have Gatorade and ensure cases stacked in my kitchen next to my old Hoosier.  My table is now a pharmacy/ medical office. And worse of all I have a mouse I can't get rid of.  Opossums in my trash tearing it all over the deck...think I solved that.   My dears someone in the animal kingdom has spread the word that Mike is laid up and the old woman is in charge.  The trash varmints must not know I can shoot a gun.....it takes alot for me to get worked up, but the last time I cleaned it up I reached the I am going to kill that little beggar point.

Now I must leave you my pretties and wash some clothes and by the way they are no longer sorted to perfection.....good enough is now my mind set.   hugs to all hope you have fun this week and lots of giggles.

Barnes and back

Well all around and back again.   Mike if not any better by Tuesday August the 4th will be readmitted to Barnes.   I am having a time of it getting him to eat enough.  I am cooking his favorite foods, but they are just not  what he wants .  He is down to 124 lbs.  He use to weight 155- 160.  Last time in January when he had his surgery he got down to 132, but even with chemo I bulked him up to 148. The bags stay on we a have an appointment August 14th to check them again.  I have to just stay on him to drink his Ensure.  I am turning into a food shew. 

I got a card in the mail  today from the sweetest nurse. She was the most capable of all the nurses we had . The card could not have came at a better time.  On the front it said, hope you know how capable you are.  Golly coming from her that was real spirit lifter.  Ever since we come back from Barnes I was thinking maybe I was failing Mike in someway.  You all know it is within my nature to think like that. Well today that card lifted me up.   When ever I get a chance to sit down I am knitting dishcloths for her......someone had taken my stash of kitchen things. So I have one done.   Dishcloths are so much fun.  

So will end this up and go force a Gatorade down my sweetie. Maybe  just maybe after I fold another load of clothes I will get to start another dishcloth.   Hugs to all my people. 

Home for awhile

 We are home, but Mike's care is all consuming.  He has 4 drain bags plus the ostomy bag. All of the bags have to be drained measured described and logged.. Not to mention the meds, the baths, the flushing of the drains and the changing of the bandages  twice a day. My least favorite is the new diet. He has lost sooooo much weight and is so weak. He has always been a prissy eater so it is a challenge. All in all am thrilled to have him home and just to look at his skinny little self. I do so love this old man.  What I want for my birthday is all the bags off  that can be taken off.  PLEASE GOD let those drain bags go and the decather. We have an appointment the 28th so pray for us.

Its all I can do to keep up with all this nursing, the wash,meals and lawn mowing and the trash plus trash burning.   I have started a simple no brainer knitted dishcloth......still on it. Its a pick it up drop it and go do something needful.  All this said so grateful I can do all I need to do.  I would not have it any other way. I may be busy and  wore out, but I am so happy.......truly joyful. love sent ruth

Still at Barnes

Fast update on a laptop that keyboard sticks.  We are still at Barnes the operation went well, but the out put in his bag is twice what it should be.Not to mention Thee infection.2 weeks and were just told not going home tomorrow. But we are together. I  have not left this hospital in 2 weeks.Postive note beautiful view.ot much knitting getting done.

Crummy

 Got lots of info to wrap around my tiny mind. Surgery will be sooner than thought. Visited the radiation Dr. today. Its complicated and I just don't have what it takes to talk about it.  May not update for awhile. I will eventually, but things are just up in the air. Trying to digest this and even put into words what I do understand.  Kinda of crummy.  prayers please love sent send it back .

No more Chemo for awhile...YAY

Update: We are going for radiation next week. Next step in the journey. The spot on his lung was smaller, but the spot on the liver was still there, but he didn't say it was bigger. After the radiation its on to surgery.  They are not sure if they will operate on the liver and lungs or just continue the chemo and radiation after the surgery on his colon. Step by step. I hadn't slept in 2 days after the appointment I just crashed. I may be up all night cleaning. The last few days I let everything slide and was in a trance I guess. Usually it makes me clean everything in site, but not this time. I just sat and stared or walked on the deck. Mike is so glad he has a break from chemo. He did lose a half pound, but this last drug was horrible on him. Plan on bulking him up now while we can. Today was his birthday and he got a wonderful present no chemo for awhile.  I will say what grandma would say....."I just love him so good."    Blessed week my dears

Another udate post

We never went to Barnes they had messed up on the appointment.  They had us down for just an office visit and not a scope.  So we decided to wait till next Tuesday to call we should know more about where we stand and future appointments.  Another big scan Monday.  If all is a go chemo stops for awhile and radiation begins. He looks like he has measles.  We have cream and medication, but it just hurts. His showers are an ordeal. He is a trooper, on a good note his fingernails so far have not fallen off. So next week is maybe a week of change in our routine.

All the kids and grand kids were here for Mother's Day. Honestly it was bitter sweet. Last year mom was in the hospital. When she begged to go home....I took her home and she took her last breath with my cheek next to hers. This little woman was so amazing. She was blind , with heart trouble and was in the middle of everything.  She NEVER used an excuse for anything. If you was going someplace so was she if you were doing something crazy she would help you. Blessed,  I was my dears so blessed to call her momma. I could use her insight right now and her strenght. Faith oh my I don't know how many times the Dr. told us she would not make it.And never phased her. She would say its not over till God says it is. She lived 30 years after they said she give 15 at the most. I need her so badly right now. Sometime I try to think of what she would say to me. Her voice still rings in my ears. I think she would say "Ruthann straighten your self up. You need to do all you can and then trust God. Grandma would say, youngun sometime you walk thru fire and God puts it out in His own time. I think I am the weak link among the women of our family.

Now I am off to my earthy chores and yes I Am thankful I  can still do them.  May your burdens be lighter this week and  you are blessed with belly laugh. hugs sent your way.

Beautiful Day

We have been having the most wonderful weather. I need the sun to shine . Mom's Iris are starting to fade, but still just enough standing tall to make a person smile.

Mike is breaking out on his face and chest , and a little on his back.  His skin is very tender. More chemo Tuesday. Thursday when I take the pump off we will drop it off and head to St. Louis. Mike has a scope to look at the ulcer that bled out when he was in the hospital. Usually Thursday is a really bad day. We will spend the night at Bub's and go to Barnes Friday. He has been doing a few things and sitting on the porch. That is so nice. One of his State Trooper friends stopped by when he was sitting out and caught him up on the patrolman gossip. He has so many friends  that keep in touch, and what a blessing.

I found the most wonderful blog (This little light of mine). She reminded me of how the devil can rob us  and torment us. When you are walking thru life's hard time you sometimes loose sight and you leave yourself wide open for the devil to move in.  Faith my dears Faith.

Love and hopes of all good things sent your way this coming week. Throwing you kisses catch them.

Update

 This chemo week is kickin Mike's tail. The new drug may have his finger nails fall off and terrible acne. So far its sleeping non stop and cranky. I understand both. We are dealing. I have been walking on the deck so he can holler if he needs me. Sad to say my old trail may be to much for me until I build back up. I am crocheting a bebop cardi now and will get back to breast cancer scarves when I am done. What does one do without God and yarn???? smiles.  I took the pump off today so I am hoping it will get better in the next few days. Hug to all my dears.

Big Appointment

 I will take what we got. Really no defintive answer,but nothing scary was said. They want another pet scan, but have to wait to see if the insurance will pay for it. We started another chemo drug, and hes cranky (totally understand). He came home exhausted .  My heart justs aches for him.  I am just relieved they didn't say it had spread.  You really do live your life day by day. I crocheted some while he was in chemo just to keep from crying.  I have fought it all day.  Miss my mom so very much.  Her Irises are blooming.  I always cut some for her and put them in a vas with my bridal wreath branches. Next month it will be a year.  ON to the postive. Mike's leg looks great and he gained 2.1 lbs.  We are hanging on to the side of our hill so enough said. love to all. Enjoy your week my dears.

Monday update

  We went to Bub's house this weekend. T had a baseball game and then was baptized on Sunday. Mike couldn't to so  he stayed at the house.  I felt horrible leaving him.  Thats not going to happen again.  I was miserable with worry the whole time I was gone.  He was doing fine and wanted me to go.  I kept thinking of the night of the blood clot, and so many what ifs.  He has the scan tomorrow. I want it and I don't if its bad news.... you know what I mean.  This last time was a rough chemo week.  All in all we are hanging on and trusting. A dear dear friends dad died of cancer. Her dad was there sometimes when Mike took his chemo. Reality.  May you show and recieve kindness this week.  hugs and love sent.

HAPPY EASTER MY DEAR FRIENDS

May you remember this day for what it is.  Like the song says, He Lives He Lives.  We had a wonderful Easter a day early, so everyone could be in their own services  on Easter. We had Nan's baked beans and Nan's potato salad, and I baked a ham. The girls all brought so many yummy things it was a feast. This is my first Easter without momma. Had me some crying time. Making her dishes should have comforted me, but it didn't. I am an old woman and yet I miss my mommy and daddy. 

 

Grand kids had a big old time. Hunted eggs played hide and seek it was a really nice time had by all. Big Mike held up and is watching his Wild Cats now.  Next week is chemo week  so we are in for it. Busy week ahead many appointments and things we have to get done.  We get a new roof on the house, gutters the whole works the first of May.  

I finished the poncho and it is in a box to be mailed. Now I am making something I want to make, a baby dress in a very pretty yellow. 

So all in all things are going pretty good. I am hoping Mike gained more weight. He is doing more and more. He still has a limp with his leg, but I believe its better. If you prayed for us may God bless you.

This new week that's coming I wish you comfort and  love....

Sunday update

 Its windy and cool here.  I have already had my walk in so its on to my lovely Sunday afternoon.  Mike has been sick from the chemo this time.  I think it is leveling off now. Hes been on the couch and bed for 3 days now. I keep whisper/praying ....please God let him be alright.  He seems in good spirits most of the time.  I am hanging on to God's Hand and trusting.   I am fixing a big country dinner for him tonight. I pray he will enjoy it and  not make him sick.  Next week all the kids will be here for Easter on Saturday. We hide eggs and I have everything I need to cook the Easter feast. May your week be filled with happiness and a dash of fun..  remember us.

Sunday Sunday

 Bracing for another week of chemo. The week we don't have to go is sheer bliss. I had forgot to make 2 appointmewnts at Barnes and I will do that in the morning. I am forgetting many things here lately. I have been coping better, but ever so tired. Guess I am making this about ME. Wp. helped out in the yard yesterday. The grandkids picked up all the limbs that had blown down.  They were such a big help. To be honest there is no way we could have gotten the yard picked up.  The off chemo weeks He does pretty well. I can't believe we have till the end of May with just chemo. So thankful to God things are going well.  May your week be filled with many delights and joyful things.....wish it back. Love and prayers

Melt down

  WP. is doing well next chemo is March 24th. No throwing up so far. Hes been sitting on the porch some. Melt down was me.  I just have been crying up a storm I mean the way you did when you were a kid and sobbing was involved.  This is way more than I ever share, but found out someone else that is going through this,and is reading the updates.. I do it when I am alone, but crying is apart of who I am now and I hate it.  I am going back on a very mild low dose helper from my Dr. I hate I mean hate the fact I can't cope without some help. I needed it when mom was put on hospice.....I saw her through that so pray for me that I can be all I need to be to all the people in my life.  So to this gentle twin I have out there .....see my dear I am not just all that. I to have my weakness. Had another mimi stroke so just factor that on to my ramblings today, Pray for me as I do all of you I know stop by . love big big hugs sent .

Hey You Guys

WP. is back on Chemo take the pump off tomorrow. Holding my breath. We should be done with chemo the end of May then radiation then the BIG surgery in late June early July.It will be maybe over with by Dec. translation we had an entire year of it. Me  my Dr. appointment went like this....everything is up A1C, blood pressure, the rash on my hands and foot from stress.  The screen door can just catch 20015 on the way out. Good news Wp. is doing more and I think feels better  leg is  so much better and hes gained weight......so have I grrrrrr.

Me finished cancer hats. I took them to the center Tuesday. Working on another cowl poncho  in gray that will make 3. NO more for awhile. I want to make baby things in Spring colors,but before that T wants a Yoda hat.  So I am booked solid.  My shingle shot is killing my arm hot as a baked potato.It makes it hard to sleep on and knit.  Having an off day .
 
Wendi's dad is in need of prayer. My poor baby Wendi . Itdoesn't look like he will make it. She lost her mom when she was just 29. She was close to both.

Well cooking ribs for supper then clean up and walk for 30.  Did 30 this morning. All in all we are doing okay at least we are still hanging on to the side of our hill. hugs love sent.

Step Forward

       We finally got to go back to the cancer doctor. The boys came and dug us got Sunday. Mike goes back for treatments March 10th. They wanted to wait because of the leg. By the way he got his stitches out today and was cut loose from VNA.  He has put the walker up and is doing more each day.  His weight is down, but now is holding.   If he looses weight its not my fault for I am cooking  all his favorites. 
        I took 3 hats to the cancer center. All my hats had been snatched up.  I make heavy duty hats in men colors.  For some reason no one want to knit men's hat so they are in real demand .  I had left one in the truck so I got one started for next time "seed".  I am also making Nadia's poncho. What I want to do is make something for a baby in maybe yellow.....need Spring colors in my life and happy thoughts. When I make baby things I can pray for that baby and enjoy the thought of  thinking about a baby wearing Mimi's baby things....this is my favorite thing, baby stuff  on the needles.
       So will say tootles my dears and do more laundry. Hugs remember us we stand in need.

Snow and stitches

 Our trip to Barnes was eventful. Dad threw up on the way up. First time it was just a half acre from home. He was so sick, but he recovered and we made it to Bub's.  The doctor left in part of the stitches. She is amazing. She left in every other one for fear it would reopen so we got another week of  stitches. She also caught a knot in his groin and had it x-rayed. It was nothing to worry about. We started home and made it fine. We are to go back in 4 months. He is looking good. He may not need a boot. Now once we are home I   started what dad had, bathroom double duty. He was still having issues so it was a difficult time. I threw up for 28 hours and ran to the bathroom. Dad's lasted maybe 12.  Everything I fixed him to eat made me sick.  We can't catch a break...then it snowed... he missed his first cancer appointment today. No way can we get out or anyone in. Sunday Bub is coming down to dig us out so we can go next Tuesday.. Am I worried about the delay....yes just sick with the worry about all the delays. More snow tonight.  He is eating good, and watching basketball , and he even walked to the table tonight without the walker.  Keep praying for us we surely need it. Hugs to all love coming your way.

Getting ready

 Getting ready for the trip to Barnes. We had the therapist here today, and he is doing just wonderful. Still on his walker till the stitches come out.  I had my first full night of sleep and sure enough woke up at 2am then 6am.  My body is so confused not to mention my mind.  We will be able to go to Ts grandparents day at his school.  Not sure if WP can make it,but I will be there. We are so lucky it fell on a Dr. visit.  Well will fill you all in when we get back. hugs bugs

Everyday is a blessing

  Today has been filled with the VNA. Mike is doing great. He is chomping at the bits to get rid of the walker.  He is doing more and more for himself. Tonight is my last 2am pill drop then it is just the shots and pills daily....oh yes.  I gave Wendi the poncho, and it fit . I am making another one for Nadia. 4 cancer hats done. So I have had a little more time.....truly I just want to sleep till spring. I think its because my walking is gone.  I have got to restore my routine. I stole a a second to update. I am off to fix chicken for supper. Well my dears my blessings flow this week and giggles abound....love sent Mimi.

Going good

  Its been almost 3 weeks since this back set began.  Its been a ruff road, but I see the light. Mike aka  weepaw is doing really well. The 13th he may get his stitches out. We are going to Barnes to see Dr.
Reed for the leg.  The 17th we start the chemo talks. I think we are back on course.  He is walking more and eating really well. Today he gets in the shower. The nurse finally  said he could take a shower hip hip that will be so much easier for me to scrubby him up. Soon , I think Sunday will be my last 2am feeding....I mean medicine drop. Yes it is a medicine drop he opens his mouth and I drop it in let him get a drink of water and hes back to sleep ...I then make such he doesn' choke and stagger off to bed.  2am medicine drop don't let the screen door hit you on your way out.  All in all we are doing well. The leg is down and is looking good groin wounds are OK. Love all my people, hugs love sent, and may you have joy coming your way.

Home

  We are home once again. Everything is so complicated here. VNA has been here everyday. After all the clothes washing, and cooking, and giving WP his bath not to mention answering the phone lets just say I am not the woman I use to be. I fall into bed and then wake up at 2 for meds then 6 and I am up. Yes this is all about me.....sorry.  Just so thankful I have him to wait on and I truly truly mean that.  I am just tired to the bone . WP.  is doing ok. Found his stash of peptos guess he thought they were not real meds.....well by golly he does now.  I was aggravated he had not taken them.  He can be a pistol.  I got a new phone it sooooo pretty and I took to it like a duck to water.  I was scared to try a new phone and now....why did I wait. I have stolen this moment to update. Yet another VNA person is coming soon to help him do more for himself....good luck with that buddy.   I got him to wash his own face yesterday whoopie a step at a time arms belly today. I know how to work him after 45 years....slowly step by step. I love him so dearly and I know this so hard on him.  Vented a bit SORRY . love my people...hugs and love sent. Prayers please!!!

Still in Barnes

We may get to go home in a day or so.  Things are looking up and I am so thankful. We have had such a great day nurse named Tara. She would get me pillows blankets and was so kind.Barnes is a different world in healthcare. Sweetie is looking so much better. We have a hard  road ahead of us,but I know God is able.  We both are so thankful for your prayers. Hugs my dears and love sent.

In Barnes Hospital

We have had a set back.Chemo cause a blood clot which pressed against his arteries. Sat. night he lost all feeling in his legs.  We went to SE. and was there until Tuesday idiots.We are now at Barnes and he has had surgery to get rid of the clot.He almost lost his right leg. This complicated everything.They were not sure he would make it thru the surgery.Praise God he did......911 prayers requested.  I stand in great need. Hugs my dears.

Update

 Well WP. had his first Chemo round. He's doing great I unhook the port tomorrow.  It is uncomfortable I am sure, but he is a trooper. He has the best attutide. He is tired, but all in all hes doing very well and I do PRAISE GOD FOR HIS MERCY.  Please remember us in Prayer I value prayer it is no small thing to me. I ask God to bless all that bow their heads for us. Working around the house wheen we are home. When I sit for awhilre I am knitting cancer hats. They just love my hats and begged for more. ((((blush))). Well my dears I am not the one taking the Chemo, but I am wore out...turned into such an old woman.   Love sent  your way.

Free Day

Port is in...chemo starts Tues....get pump Tues afternoon. Hes doing really well with the port. It was much better after I changed the bandage yesterday....had tape clear up his neck....thought he would scream like a womean but he didn't. We are being held up....please keep the prayers going for we stand in need. I had a free day a yummy free day yesterday before it all starts. I am working with my hands to  help with the stress and all the time I have to wait. Making cancer hats....baskets at the center were about empty and no real serious hats for the cold. Made poncho with a cowl....had my doubts....its stunning on. Please remember us for I am wanting

to be woke up from this nightmare. His mom after her fall is doing ok. My DIL is with her father in GA. in ICU. We are those poor people I use to pray for smiles my dear for even it great stress love is sent and prayers requested.

Cancer put your dukes up

 We are entering the ring,,,,the fight ring. Mike gets his port put in this week for the chemo pump. then chemo starts next Tuesday. Then hope and pray his body responds.. if it does radiation then surgery...more chemo and radiation then we get those two small things plucked from his lungs and liver...maybe more chemo?????? Pray for the best......its in HIS HANDS. It all falls to  if his body will respond to the chemo. Hugs hug me back...... need it.