1 Thessalonians 4:11

And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business,and to work with your own hands...1 Thessalonians 4:11

Thursday, March 3, 2016

The Story Sad But True

 First I just give you the facts: In the Fall of 2012 I went to the  doctor which what I thought was good health.  I had no medication of any sorts. I discovered I had High blood pressure, diabetes, high chol. I went on a diet took my meds started walking, and things were looking up.  March 11,2013 I had a stroke.  It left me with weakness in my left side. I no longer have the limp or droopy mouth, but I still have problems with my memory, knitting, spelling and typing. While I was in the hospital they could not control my Blood pressure.  I was trying on the phone from my hospital bed to set up appointments for my aging father. He was very ill and his Doctor was not helping him.  (note my mother was blind with dementia and I am an only child)..Less than a month after my stroke dad was in the hospital and we found he had stomach cancer  Mom and dad moved in the house so I could care for them. I do not regret this. Dad had to be put on hospice. He could not bare a nursing home so I moved a hospital bed in my living room, and took care of him.  He died in my arms  October 23 early in the morning. 3 months later I lost my second mom my Aunt Mary then 2 weeks later on Christmas Eve we lost Ky. dad.  Less than a year my mom's heart starts to fail when nothing else can be done she ask to go home from the hospital. Once again I have a parent on hospice. Mom dies with my cheek next to hers May18, 2014.

 While my mom was sick I noticed my husband was not well.  I begged him to go to the Doctor he would not go .  When mom died I got my husband into the Doctor. He had stage 4 colon cancer. We have been fighting this for over a year. I have spent in Barnes Hospital a total of 3 months, sometimes in a cot sometime in the waiting room I did not leave him.  I have learned to change bags of all sorts, give shots, and change wound bandages ,and flush the drain tubes. At one point he had on 7 bags that meant cleaning care ,and flushing, recording, and measuring everything. He was paralized for awhile, and almost died several times.  We have made it this far my the Grace of God.  Next week he has more surgery for his lungs then the 3 round of chemo.  I have been knocked to my knees many times over the past 2 years BUT.

What has about broke me is my son has an inoperable brain tumor. It is vary dangerous where it is.  The Doctors are sending him to Barnes.  The DR. did not even feel he should even bioispy here. So we will not find out for awhile if it is cancer.  Even if it is not, they cannot take it out.  We are in the valley of the unknown now.  We just found out this week.  It is possible I could have a son and husband in surgery at Barnes at the same time.

 I use to pray for those poor people in need and now we are those poor people in need.  Truth when its your kid its the worse helpless feeling in the world hes only 44 with 3 kids and momma can't fix this. I am hitting a new low.  I just feel like nothing matters anymore. It seems everyone I hold the dearest are being taken from me.  I even think sometimes what have I done. I never say why me, but I just don't understand this.  I can't seem to pull myself together anymore, and what difference does anything make anyway.

Yes, I still belive, my faith is strong, but my understanding is gone.

To let you know this as well which I did not mention thinking it was foolish, but a week or so after mom died my 14 year old dog I love beyond what maybe I should have.  He died on my lap.  I am sick of death and bad news. Pray for me please cause my dears I can't hardly pray now. I can still send my love.